Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Relationships 105:Getting back with the Ex

Hey Everyone.

I have been having some interesting conversations with people which inspired me to write this blog. It seems like many people have been going through this phase.

Summer is over. The temperature's dropping and the holidays are coming up soon. This is the prime time to people to try and get back together with their Ex's. Most people don't like to be alone during those cold months so that they have someone to hibernate with. An Ex is a usually a confortable situation for this since you are used to one another.

I feel you should not get back with an Ex just because you are lonely. If there is genuine love there and it is something that is authentically coming from the heart then perhaps go for it. If it is because you are alone and you want your partner for emotional convenience or a sex buddy, I would not go back to that person for those reasons . You both probably have things to work on and it would be better off to do so if you are not together. If it is a sex buddy you are looking for, you can obtain that elswhere if you are upfront with the person. Most people don't want to be alone and of course, most of like sex; so I am confident you can find that.

Going back into a cycle of a relationship that has been working is not healthy. There needs to be a lot of introspection done. Look to see what you have been doing and things that you may have done better. It is always common to blame you partner for everyhing that is going on. Perhaps you are the source of what is not making this work and not your partner.

I don't believe in living past in your life, but I do feel you may want to look at some of your past relationships. If there are similar patterns that arise then clearly there is something going on with you and you must work on that.

A lot of people get attached to a situation so you don't know how to let it go since you have been with the person and have invested a lot of time and emotions into it.

After doing introspection you must have a open conversation with your Ex and really see where this can really go. Chage does not happen in a day. It takes time just like evolution. In this conversation be a good listener. Really take in what you partner has to say. Nine times out of ten if you listen properly you can make a smart descion on how to move forward. We are so caught up in getting our point across at times that we don't really listen to other person.

It's not about who is right and who is wrong it is about both parties committed to creating a healthy, beatuiful relationship for one another.

Last but not least, you must be in a good place with yourself in order to be with someone else. That is why being alone can be good at times because you can take the time to work on yourself. It is important to be happy with yourself before being with someone. Do not go into a situation thinking Mr. or Ms. Right can fix everyhing. That's WRONG! You can only fix yourself. No one else can fix you!

Well that's my five cents on this topic.

Here are some good clips that I Found.

Here's some advice from Vanae

Please post your comments on this topic

Have a great day!


EricaMichele77 said...

usually they are an ex for a reason BUT if one or both of you have grown and love each other enuf to be patient and work through it, i say go for it

Ikudni said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ikudni said...

My Gran always told me to never try on old shoes.. Been there, never works for good reason.

E said...

Sometimes we are so caught up in the want that we forget to consider the whole picture, or the why. It's often so hard to go back because the time between on and on again can be marred by anger, tension, resentment and some push/pull behaviors as well. Where do you go from there? Often no place good.

Anonymous said...

Amen amigo! Some people have the vicious cycle of returning to their ex's and do not realize how much time is wasted on something that will never function. Learn from the past to progress into the future.

Serena W. said...

I've done it once and it was no picnic once the honey phase was over. I remembered old habits and vices that caused the break up from the get go. So my advice is to not go back and fetch it unless you are going to learn something from it. All in all...don't go back if there is no love there and if neither one has grown.